A Review of Like 15 Versions of “Good King Wenceslas” I Found on YouTube
Editor’s Note: This post originally appeared Dec. 23, 2015 on a now-defunct website (no, not Grantland). It has been republished here for archival.
It’s the holiday season, and if you’re like me (not wealthy), you know what that means: bus travel. So it was that I found myself this week uncomfortably ensconced in a particolored bucket seat for several hours, desperately in need of entertainment. In an effort to stave off boredom and blow my data plan into oblivion, I spent the trip searching YouTube for recordings of the incomparably dope 19th-century Christmas carol “Good King Wenceslas.” What I discovered was beyond my wildest dreams.
It seems I am not the only one whose heart is warmed by the rousing story of a benevolent king and his young squire seeking to bring the spirit of Christmas to the less fortunate. If you don’t happen to be familiar with the song beyond its brief appearance in Love, Actually, fret not, dear reader, because there are nearly sixty thousand YouTube results, and I’ve sorted through the very best and worst of them.
The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, ‘A Classical Christmas’
To form a proper baseline for comparison (because I’m bullshitting you that any part of this will be thoughtful or scientific), let’s begin with a classical recording that displays all necessary features of a proper rendition of “Good King Wenceslas”:
- All five verses.
- The correct lyrics (don’t worry; we’ll cover the worst lyrical offenses when we meet them).
- Division of voices by character.
- Ability to say “thither” like it’s a word anyone ever uses.
- Use of the phrase “good my page” instead of “my good page” (while the latter is acceptable, the former is obviously way more badass).
- A stirring tempo.
Extra points to this one for a fantastic vocal and instrumental arrangement. Add it to your Feast of Stephen playlist now.
Westminster Cathedral Choir featuring Benjamin Luxon and Aled Jones
But some traditional versions are minefields of unintentional comedy, especially the ones with a boy soprano. I can’t get past the section at 1:36 without cracking up; can you?
The Irish Rovers
Thumbs up for jauntiness and Irishness; thumbs down for “bring me meat” instead of “bring me flesh.” LAME. Also lame: the dudes in this video, who are definitely not the Irish Rovers.
Kidzone
We already know it’s going to suck because it’s kids singing, but MY GOD WHAT IS THIS ANIMATION??? The “poor man” is a dude in jeans and a polo, the “page” is a jester(???), and the whole thing is just an awful mess. Don’t even get me started on that sorry-ass Christmas tree.
Skydiggers
This is a swell modern arrangement that takes just enough artistic liberty with the tune. “Therefore, women, men” instead of “Therefore, Christian men” might win the prize for most awkward egalitarian rewrite of an old hymn, but it’ll slip by while you’re still freaking out over the way the bass comes in at the top of verse five.
Blackmore’s Night, ‘Winter Carols’
Ritchie Blackmore wrote one of the most recognizable guitar riffs in history, which I guess affords him the time to make prog-folk Christmas albums with his wife Candice Night. This one makes up for straying melodically and lyrically with some cheesetastic instrumentation, but the bizarre repetition of the first verse at the end makes it too long and confounds the storytelling.
The Piano Guys, ‘A Family Christmas’
Of course, lyrical storytelling isn’t a concern for an instrumental interpretation, and this is one of the best I’ve heard. It’s more of an improvisation based on the theme, but it captures the spirit of the song wonderfully.
And speaking of instrumentals….
Mannheim Steamroller, ‘Christmas’
I have a confession to make: Until I heard this track, I had no idea what kind of music Mannheim Steamroller made. Imagine my uncontrollable delight to discover these scenery-chewing synthesizers! Listen to the end; I promise you, the left-field outro vocals are worth it.
Tori Amos, ‘Midwinter Graces’
Tori Amos is a national treasure, but the idiosyncrasy that is her great gift as a writer and performer sometimes leads to results like this, which sounds like a parody of the idea of Tori Amos doing a cover of “Good King Wenceslas.” It’s nutty from the first line — what did she call him? “Wensalesh”? Whatever, Tori, you still wrote one of the best songs I’ve ever heard.
Sufjan Stevens, ‘Silver and Gold’
WE GET IT, SUFJAN. WE GET IT. YOU’RE SO WEIRD. WE KNOW. YOU WIN, CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE HATES THIS.
A Hero for the World
“Good King Wenceslas (Metal Version).” From the album Winter Is Coming: A Holiday Rock Opera. Oh, no, you guys.
Mediæval Bæbes, ‘Of Kings and Angels: A Christmas Carol Collection’
TWO “æ” ligatures in their name? Now THAT’s metal. \m/ >_< \m/ (Take note, A Hero for the World!) Cheeseball as this track may be, it features possibly the most musically interesting vocal arrangement of the bunch.
Downhere, ‘How Many Kings: Songs for Christmas’
I am ALL THE WAY ON BOARD with this rendition. From the silly opening shout to the rockin’ groove to the twist on the vocal hook, this is the happeningest latter-day “Wenceslas,” and its last two verses absolutely blow the roof off.
Relient K, ‘Let It Snow, Baby… Let It Reindeer’
This is steaming guttertrash and I dare you to listen to even five seconds of it.
‘A Castle Christmas’ (“The best performance of this Christmas carol EVER!”)
THE YOUTUBE TITLE DOES NOT LIE. The introduction. The bizarre camera work. The heartily rolled Rs. The faces they make when they’re not singing. The faces they make when they are singing. The presumption in the back of your mind that they’re lovers. And the eyebrows, my god, the eyebrows. Truly, it is the best performance of this or any Christmas carol.
‘The Colbert Report,’ featuring Michael Stipe, Mandy Patinkin, and Stephen Colbert
Okay, I’m cheating — this one isn’t on YouTube. I had to find it on some sketchball Eastern Bloc site. But this is the version I began searching YouTube for in the first place, and like a page treading in his royal master’s footsteps, I followed it to the wealth of Christmas joy amid winter darkness you see chronicled above. If this performance doesn’t warm your heart, you may need to invest in a defibrillator. The guy from REM (who knows his way around multiple key changes), the guy from Sunday in the Park with George, and the guy from Stephen Colbert? It doesn’t get much more delightful than this.
So there you have it, the highs and lows of GKW on YouTube. There are many versions that didn’t make the cut, of course; I encourage you to explore on your own. And when you do, I hope you’ll remember two truths: (1) The Relient K Christmas album is literal garbage, and (2) those who bless the poor shall themselves find blessing. Pay special attention to that second one this holiday and throughout the year — especially if you’re the sort who doesn’t have to travel by bus.
Now go play every video on this page at once, and revel in the cacophony. Merry Christmas!
